so you want a divorce, is there a a right and wrong way to pursue this? Also should you get a divorce for other reasons than your spouse being unfaithful? Should getting counseling after the divorce be a necessity?
12 comments:
Anonymous
said...
i would say that getting counciling before a divorce might just save you from getting one.
i've never been divorced. that being said, i don't know what it feels like. i know that MARRIAGE IS FOR GROWN PEOPLE. unfaithfulness is often cited as a dealbreaker, but statistics say otherwise. stats say that almost 60% of all marriages will deal with one spouse cheating. however, only 40% divorce as a direct result of the infidelity.
If Christian couples would be diligent to make the commitment at the start of there relationship that divorce is not an option, then perhaps they would be more focused on pursuing and keeping a healthy godly relationship with each other instead of focusing on ways to justify backing out. tpr
divorce is a sad reality . i think the real issue behind right or wrong actually lies within the realm of IS IT OKAY TO REMARRY? 1 corinthians 7 deals with this subject. divorce rips apart what GOD said not to. reconciliation is sometimes a realistic possibility. counseling? yeah before may save it indeed. probably before getting married would help avoid the pitfalls that often lead couples to dealing with TO DIVORCE OR NOT DIVORCE. SAD, SAD, SAD, i wish it didn't happen.
what is divorce? the canceling of a commitment. things just didn't work out. berfore you talk of divorce you need to talk about marriage. why do people get married? several reasons, but the main one is they think they are in love or perhaps they are in love. Perhaps some do out of pressure, or out of responsiblity. they are a lot of reasons but they all involve one thing commitment. to truly understand divorce you first have to understand commitment. I know from personal experience both sides of the coin. i have been divorced and now am remarried. my first marriage was out of pressure and lust. it lasted a year and was a mistake. even if i was waloking with Christ then like i am now. the marriage woulkd not have worked. neither side wanted it to last. the m,arriage i am and forever will be in now has one thing that the first did not. CHRIST AS THE CORNERSTONE.I have been happly married for 8 years. But it has been always happy. I by society standards should have been divorced by the end of thefirst year. But I chose to stick it out for the children more than myself. wrong motive but Christ used it any way. As I was determined to make it work I started by doing it hte hard way, my way. finding out the faults of my spouse and sacfricing my happiness tio make it work. Guess what that dont WORK. after councling and a lot of frustrating arguments. Once I stared walking in Christ's steps I step back and looked at her through His eyes I saw thingsa in her i had never seen. all the good qualities that i hid behind all the things i did not like. simple solutions for those out there tinking about divorce. stop looking for the bad things and concentrate on the things that brought you together in the first place. God can take the junk in your life and turn it in to art. just let work his magic and see what happens.
after the last statement i want to apologise for my errors in typing i am not good on the computer and as you can tell i do not type very well my apolopgies
Divorce is a big thing! I know, I just went through one. There is no correct way to go about a divorce; if you are unhappy then get out; if you are having doubts then talk to your spouse and see if things can be worked out but if they can't then get a divorce. When I was going through my divorce my mother told me she would give anything to go back and stay with my father for us, her kids! I told her that is not a life staying with someone that is abusive and sleeps around on you. Don't get me wrong I love my father and he is a great man but he was raised in a house where he saw this go on with his parents and that was all he knew. A lot of people stay with their spouses out of fear for being alone. My exwife is already talking marriage to a guy that she has been seeing for 2 months. I know for a fact she can't be alone.
My whole take on divorce is make sure before you do it and don't do because everyone else is doing it and if you are unhappy being married then be honest with each other and try to make it work or just get out!!! PERIOD!!!
jb, i 'm sorry i have to disagree about your last statement. i by societys eyes would have been justified in getting a divorce from my current wife. but! i decided that my vows were that. vows for better or for worse. till death do you part. i had to look deep and find the real reason things werent working. to my suorise i started trying to fix the things that were wrong with me. instead of fixing her or fighting about why she was wrong. i knew she loved me. but i did not feel the same. i married out of responsiblity. she was pregnant. not a valid reason to marry but that was what i felt was the right thing to do.v after seven years of the same arguments i realised that if i was to make this work i had to change my way of thinking. i told myself that she is God's daughter and i must treat her as such even when she is wrong or at fault. after doing this for a few months she in turn started to change. now i have a God centered marriage and i love her. i can honestly say that now.
Actually, marrying a woman because you impregnated her is a valid reason to marry. After all, she was good enough to have sex with right? Why not marriage? Of course, waiting until marriage before having sex is the right way to go, but you only make matters worse if you do not own up to the responsibility and step up as a man should. Otherwise, you are just an adulterer and you have made her one also. This I say to christians, not unbelievers, because christians should see what they did from God's perpective.
marrying somebody because you got em pregnant and marrying somebody when you didn't are TWO DIFFERENT SITUATIONS. i think, anonymous, has a good point, "why not marriage".
in my opinion, marrying somebody without a clear commitment to the grave... well i think you're probably digging a grave for the marriage. i mean, two will join, but in time will break the vows and then terminate the marriage.
marriage is TOUGH. its supposed to be. this is how it survives all that life throws at it. marriage takes work, in fact, the real issue is not if the MARRIAGE WILL WORK, BUT RATHER IF WE'LL WORK THE MARRIAGE.
I have been married twice and my 2nd marriage will be over this month (currently in a divorce). My first marriage lasted 2 years, this one 12. The first ended due to my wife's constant cheating...the 2nd due to my wife never wanting to be home with her husband and son.
To Samwise, my brother, I fully understand what you are trying to say about the "no more" and "marriage is for grown people" but when one of two is acting like they are still a teenager, and you live in a state where divorces are so easy to file for (but not so easy to finalize), then all a person can say then IS "no more."
Divorce is the only option to some people. Others see it as no more troublesome than throwing out an old, comfortable pair of shoes that have outlived their usefullness. Me? If we didn't get divorced, I would have gone nuts living with her any longer (LOL)!
12 comments:
i would say that getting counciling before a divorce might just save you from getting one.
i think the wrong way is to pursue a way out. specifically, a way out that requires no more work. no more fighting, no more trying, no more "NO MORES"
i've never been divorced. that being said, i don't know what it feels like.
i know that MARRIAGE IS FOR GROWN PEOPLE.
unfaithfulness is often cited as a dealbreaker, but statistics say otherwise.
stats say that almost 60% of all marriages will deal with one spouse cheating.
however, only 40% divorce as a direct result of the infidelity.
If Christian couples would be diligent to make the commitment at the start of there relationship that divorce is not an option, then perhaps they would be more focused on pursuing and keeping a healthy godly relationship with each other instead of focusing on ways to justify backing out. tpr
divorce is a sad reality . i think the real issue behind right or wrong actually lies within the realm of IS IT OKAY TO REMARRY?
1 corinthians 7 deals with this subject.
divorce rips apart what GOD said not to. reconciliation is sometimes a realistic possibility.
counseling? yeah before may save it indeed.
probably before getting married would help avoid the pitfalls that often lead couples to dealing with TO DIVORCE OR NOT DIVORCE.
SAD, SAD, SAD, i wish it didn't happen.
what is divorce? the canceling of a commitment. things just didn't work out. berfore you talk of divorce you need to talk about marriage. why do people get married? several reasons, but the main one is they think they are in love or perhaps they are in love. Perhaps some do out of pressure, or out of responsiblity. they are a lot of reasons but they all involve one thing commitment. to truly understand divorce you first have to understand commitment. I know from personal experience both sides of the coin. i have been divorced and now am remarried. my first marriage was out of pressure and lust. it lasted a year and was a mistake. even if i was waloking with Christ then like i am now. the marriage woulkd not have worked. neither side wanted it to last. the m,arriage i am and forever will be in now has one thing that the first did not. CHRIST AS THE CORNERSTONE.I have been happly married for 8 years. But it has been always happy. I by society standards should have been divorced by the end of thefirst year. But I chose to stick it out for the children more than myself. wrong motive but Christ used it any way. As I was determined to make it work I started by doing it hte hard way, my way. finding out the faults of my spouse and sacfricing my happiness tio make it work. Guess what that dont WORK. after councling and a lot of frustrating arguments. Once I stared walking in Christ's steps I step back and looked at her through His eyes I saw thingsa in her i had never seen. all the good qualities that i hid behind all the things i did not like. simple solutions for those out there tinking about divorce. stop looking for the bad things and concentrate on the things that brought you together in the first place. God can take the junk in your life and turn it in to art. just let work his magic and see what happens.
after the last statement i want to apologise for my errors in typing i am not good on the computer and as you can tell i do not type very well my apolopgies
Divorce is a big thing! I know, I just went through one. There is no correct way to go about a divorce; if you are unhappy then get out; if you are having doubts then talk to your spouse and see if things can be worked out but if they can't then get a divorce. When I was going through my divorce my mother told me she would give anything to go back and stay with my father for us, her kids! I told her that is not a life staying with someone that is abusive and sleeps around on you. Don't get me wrong I love my father and he is a great man but he was raised in a house where he saw this go on with his parents and that was all he knew. A lot of people stay with their spouses out of fear for being alone. My exwife is already talking marriage to a guy that she has been seeing for 2 months. I know for a fact she can't be alone.
My whole take on divorce is make sure before you do it and don't do because everyone else is doing it and if you are unhappy being married then be honest with each other and try to make it work or just get out!!! PERIOD!!!
Honestly JB
jb,
i 'm sorry i have to disagree about your last statement. i by societys eyes would have been justified in getting a divorce from my current wife. but! i decided that my vows were that. vows for better or for worse. till death do you part. i had to look deep and find the real reason things werent working. to my suorise i started trying to fix the things that were wrong with me. instead of fixing her or fighting about why she was wrong. i knew she loved me. but i did not feel the same. i married out of responsiblity. she was pregnant. not a valid reason to marry but that was what i felt was the right thing to do.v after seven years of the same arguments i realised that if i was to make this work i had to change my way of thinking. i told myself that she is God's daughter and i must treat her as such even when she is wrong or at fault. after doing this for a few months she in turn started to change. now i have a God centered marriage and i love her. i can honestly say that now.
Actually, marrying a woman because you impregnated her is a valid reason to marry. After all, she was good enough to have sex with right? Why not marriage? Of course, waiting until marriage before having sex is the right way to go, but you only make matters worse if you do not own up to the responsibility and step up as a man should. Otherwise, you are just an adulterer and you have made her one also. This I say to christians, not unbelievers, because christians should see what they did from God's perpective.
marrying somebody because you got em pregnant and marrying somebody when you didn't are TWO DIFFERENT SITUATIONS.
i think, anonymous, has a good point, "why not marriage".
in my opinion, marrying somebody without a clear commitment to the grave... well i think you're probably digging a grave for the marriage. i mean, two will join, but in time will break the vows and then terminate the marriage.
marriage is TOUGH. its supposed to be. this is how it survives all that life throws at it.
marriage takes work, in fact, the real issue is not if the MARRIAGE WILL WORK, BUT RATHER IF WE'LL WORK THE MARRIAGE.
I have been married twice and my 2nd marriage will be over this month (currently in a divorce). My first marriage lasted 2 years, this one 12. The first ended due to my wife's constant cheating...the 2nd due to my wife never wanting to be home with her husband and son.
To Samwise, my brother, I fully understand what you are trying to say about the "no more" and "marriage is for grown people" but when one of two is acting like they are still a teenager, and you live in a state where divorces are so easy to file for (but not so easy to finalize), then all a person can say then IS "no more."
Divorce is the only option to some people. Others see it as no more troublesome than throwing out an old, comfortable pair of shoes that have outlived their usefullness. Me? If we didn't get divorced, I would have gone nuts living with her any longer (LOL)!
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